im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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