Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You're like the curious george of whores
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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