My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
