The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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