just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
