Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
