You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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