Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm at about main and main street
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
