Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
