Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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