$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
