Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
