no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
