So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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