Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
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