i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
