It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
