GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
