Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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