Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
