Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
