At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize