I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
