I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize