Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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