Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
