Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
