So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"it" just moved
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
