I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
