I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My bed smells like the plague
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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