So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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