Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
