so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
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I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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