I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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