Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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