TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
