I showed him my bush... on skype.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You have to summon your inner elephant
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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