PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
