Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
