this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
