He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
someone owes me an orgasm
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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