Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
that is very illegal...i love you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize