That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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