while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
