omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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