i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
