We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i dont even know how to be here
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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