I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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