I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
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You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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