i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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