So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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