Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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