Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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