My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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