okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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