I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
