if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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