Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
