you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
