It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
