I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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