Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
